Really????

I've genuinely absolutely no idea how it's been so long since my last post. I was certain it had only been about a year. So much time has passed and so much has happened... Although still no baby I'm afraid 😢
One massive change, is that we now live in Cornwall 😁 At least that's one dream come true. One that I thought would always be out of reach, but we did it, we made it happen 😊 I'm so blessed that we get to walk on the beach every day, it means the absolute world to me. It's the only place I feel safe and at home. Somewhere my heart feels like it could actually heal one day. I feel like I can breathe. It's far from easy, although I've learnt that nothing in life ever is, but the plans we made when we moved there have pretty much gone to shit! Life is very slowly coming good though and I've so much faith that we will be ok. My husband and I are so lucky to have each other. Together we are an incredibly strong couple and for that I am eternally grateful. What we have, I know so many only dream of and I try to never take that for granted.
I do have to admit that I find this time of year incredibly difficult. So many people make a big point of Christmas being all about children and I can't argue with that because generally...it is! The problem with that is that when you want, but can't have children, it makes Christmas feel seriously shit. I used to adore Christmas, my tree up on 1st December without fail, but now, I dread it, that abject misery and feeling of emptiness is utterly compounded by the lack of children...to create elf on the shelf scenarios for, to hide presents from, to awake at the crack of dawn on Xmas day, full of excitement and bewilderment that Santa has been.... Without children all of that is nonexistent 😢
I hadn't intended on my first post in such a long time to be so down beat, it's just such a thought provoking, heart wrenching time of year, you can't help but feel reflective and just a little bit sorrowful....