Not sure how I feel

Well Christmas day was emotional but lovely. I'm just trying to figure out how I feel about doing ivf again. In many ways, I want to get on with it and see what's going to happen, but in a way, I'm still really scared about going through all that again only to face the same heartbreak. I guess I will just see how I feel when af arrives again.
My sister has brought sky lanterns to let go on new years eve, so we can all make a wish, I just hope they work!
Love and babydust to all xxxx

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How do I get over it?

Its been 3 months since our cancelled/failed ivf cycle and I'm still struggling to deal with what happened.  I just don't know how to get through it and move on. A girl I cycled with is having twins and as delighted as I am for her, I can't help feeling hurt. That reminder of how far along u would be is just so hard to take. I never dreamt that things would turn out like this and I just don't know how to accept it and move on. It all just hurts so much :o(

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Scared

Got my counselling session at care this morning and I'm really scared. I don't know why, I'm just worried about what I will have to go through, reliving everything that went wrong and trying to think positive when all I can think is how bloody unlucky we must be for it to have happened in the first place. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens. Just hope I can keep the tears away long enough to actually speak.
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Struggling

Cd34 + still no af, but of course I'm not pregnant :o( I'm just finding it so hard at the min. our review went ok but we don't have any answers as to what happened, it was basically pure bad luck :o( which tbh doesn't make it any easier. Cons said there was about a 0.3% chance of what happened 2 us happening, which really didn't help! I just feel like the must unlucky person ever. Maybe its just the hormones, but I just want 2 cry :o( I hv lost all hope of our nxt attempt working, I just think there is something very wrong that means I will never have a baby :o(


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Feeling Blue

What a day.  Today was my dh's stepdads funeral :o(  It was a truly lovely service and very fitting for the man he was, it was perfect.  It breaks my heart to see them all so hurt and upset and there is nothing I can do to make it all better, to ease their pain.  I know this sounds incredibly selfish but it hurts me so much that my dh has gone a million miles away from me.  I feel like I have lost a huge part of him and the rest is slowly slipping away from me too.  We are so distant right now I dont know if we can ever go back :o(  I know IVF puts a strain on couples but at first it started to bring us closer but with everything else that has happened, we have just fallen so far apart.  We have so little in common these days and never seem to have anything to say to each other.  We are no longer a couple and I dont think we will ever be a family :o(  I just want the man I married back xxxx