Scared

Got my counselling session at care this morning and I'm really scared. I don't know why, I'm just worried about what I will have to go through, reliving everything that went wrong and trying to think positive when all I can think is how bloody unlucky we must be for it to have happened in the first place. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens. Just hope I can keep the tears away long enough to actually speak.
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Struggling

Cd34 + still no af, but of course I'm not pregnant :o( I'm just finding it so hard at the min. our review went ok but we don't have any answers as to what happened, it was basically pure bad luck :o( which tbh doesn't make it any easier. Cons said there was about a 0.3% chance of what happened 2 us happening, which really didn't help! I just feel like the must unlucky person ever. Maybe its just the hormones, but I just want 2 cry :o( I hv lost all hope of our nxt attempt working, I just think there is something very wrong that means I will never have a baby :o(


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Feeling Blue

What a day.  Today was my dh's stepdads funeral :o(  It was a truly lovely service and very fitting for the man he was, it was perfect.  It breaks my heart to see them all so hurt and upset and there is nothing I can do to make it all better, to ease their pain.  I know this sounds incredibly selfish but it hurts me so much that my dh has gone a million miles away from me.  I feel like I have lost a huge part of him and the rest is slowly slipping away from me too.  We are so distant right now I dont know if we can ever go back :o(  I know IVF puts a strain on couples but at first it started to bring us closer but with everything else that has happened, we have just fallen so far apart.  We have so little in common these days and never seem to have anything to say to each other.  We are no longer a couple and I dont think we will ever be a family :o(  I just want the man I married back xxxx

Things can only get better!!!

I slipped and fell on Monday morning thanks to my big dopey girl Skye.  She has this terrible habbit of dribbling water ALL over the floor and I slipped on the tiles on Monday and hurt my foot.  I thought it was just bruised and sprained until yesterday when it got a lot worse and I could barely walk on it.  Off to A&E we went!  Sat and waited for a couple of hours and was told it was most likely fractured in 1 or 2 places...bugger!  I had a temp cast put on as x-ray had closed by the time we were seen.  After spending a seriously uncomfortable night with this big heavy cast, I went for the x-ray....no fracture :o)  YAY!!!  Although it looks like I have torn the main ligament in my foot which is probably as bad if not worse than a break as there is nothing you can do to help it heal :o(  I'm still on crutches but without the horrible cast so thats something at least! 

Fingers crossed things really can only get better!!! 

OTD

Today would have been OTD :o(  I know it seems silly to be thinking about something that never was but still its on my mind.  What might have been???  I'm pretty sure its safe to say that today would have only lead to heartache and at least this way we get another go with a tweaked protocol which will hopefully lead to better results :o)  We have decided to completely write this year off and start our IVF journey again next year.  I will continue to blog with everyday life until our journey continues.  For now, its quite nice to be officially off the TTC rollercoaster for a while!