The Up's & The Down's!

Well its been a while since my last post!  I started off this year with great hope and positivity.  The rough plan was to spend a few months getting fit and healthy and in best possible form for our next ivf cycle.  Unfortunately, that plan got totally wiped out in the 2nd week of Jan when my knee dislocated again.  I was on crutches for a few weeks due to the pain and eventually after weeks of pain and no improvement, I saw a knee specialist who sent me for an MRI on my knee.  This showed I had torn cartilage but no signs of recurrent dislocation.  It was agreed that I would have an arthroscopy to repair the cartilage and look to see if my knee was indeed dislocating with a view to do mpfl surgery if this was the case.  Of course, with my luck, this was the case and mpfl was done.  I am now 2 weeks post surgery and its been hell!  I am still in daily pain and cannot bend my knee more than a few degrees.  I have the supporting splint removed tomorrow but will be undergoing physio for a number of months and on crutches for I dont know how much longer. 

Obviously, this has all demolished my plans for getting fit and healthy...I'm at my worst state possible!  The lack of movement also stops our ivf plans for the time being as I cant move enough for tx and cant drive to the clinic every week either!  My emotions are somewhat all over the place really.  On one side, I'm pretty upset that we cant get on with tx and in turn on with our lives come what may.  Although, on the other hand, I'm relieved that I havent got to go through all that heartache again just yet.  The thought of those phone calls after ec is just so fear inducing, I dont know if I'm strong enough to cope with it all over again, esp if it goes the same way :o(

Life is a rollercoaster........so true!

Not sure how I feel

Well Christmas day was emotional but lovely. I'm just trying to figure out how I feel about doing ivf again. In many ways, I want to get on with it and see what's going to happen, but in a way, I'm still really scared about going through all that again only to face the same heartbreak. I guess I will just see how I feel when af arrives again.
My sister has brought sky lanterns to let go on new years eve, so we can all make a wish, I just hope they work!
Love and babydust to all xxxx

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How do I get over it?

Its been 3 months since our cancelled/failed ivf cycle and I'm still struggling to deal with what happened.  I just don't know how to get through it and move on. A girl I cycled with is having twins and as delighted as I am for her, I can't help feeling hurt. That reminder of how far along u would be is just so hard to take. I never dreamt that things would turn out like this and I just don't know how to accept it and move on. It all just hurts so much :o(

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Scared

Got my counselling session at care this morning and I'm really scared. I don't know why, I'm just worried about what I will have to go through, reliving everything that went wrong and trying to think positive when all I can think is how bloody unlucky we must be for it to have happened in the first place. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens. Just hope I can keep the tears away long enough to actually speak.
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Struggling

Cd34 + still no af, but of course I'm not pregnant :o( I'm just finding it so hard at the min. our review went ok but we don't have any answers as to what happened, it was basically pure bad luck :o( which tbh doesn't make it any easier. Cons said there was about a 0.3% chance of what happened 2 us happening, which really didn't help! I just feel like the must unlucky person ever. Maybe its just the hormones, but I just want 2 cry :o( I hv lost all hope of our nxt attempt working, I just think there is something very wrong that means I will never have a baby :o(


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