stop the clock

If only we could...stop the clock that is. Time is ticking by far too quickly, both physically + emotionally. Everytime I logon here to post, it's been months yet only feels like a matter of weeks. I'm also terrifyingly aware that my body clock is ticking away at an alarming rate. I'm 33 now and whilst that isn't exactly old, it is when you're talking fertility and ivf and even more so when you add endometriosis into the mix 😔 I always wanted to be a young mum, now I face the very real possibility, I may never be a mum at all.

I'd like to say that I'm ok with that, but it would be bullshit! Whilst the thought no longer has me crying uncontrollably, it still hurts like hell. It doesn't help that there are currently 3 pregnancies in our family. I don't wish to take such joy away from anyone, it just hurts that it has never been and may never be me. We may never get to make that exciting announcement that we're expecting, or post proud, sickeningly happy pictures of our newborn baby. To feel that pure love + adoration that being a parent brings.
Yeah ok, so I'm not exactly over it, having graciously accepted my lot but hey, I'm trying!

Time....wtf does it go?!

I was almost certain I had only posted my last blog a few weeks ago...how the hell it was back in October I've no idea!

Anyways, onto the real reason for this post....

I'm fecked off, simple as that! I'm sure anyone that has ever experienced the shitness that is infertility will understand this one. I am absolutely sick to fucking death of being the one who has to make other people feel better for MY infertility! Errr, hello, it's me that's fucking going through this shitness. Me that's suffered the ongoing heartache, month after month after month, yet somehow, I'M the one that has to comfort others so that they don't feel bad when they stick their, seriously ignorant, size fucking 15's, right into my heart. When stupid people ask stupid, thoughtless questions, like, "don't you want any children?", I'M the one who has to make shit up so that they don't feel bad for their ignorance, when all I want to do is scream and shout about how fucking stupid and ignorant they are, how they need to actually engage brain before they open their mouths. Surely it is those people that need to expand their mindset to consider other people and understand that not everyone's lives work out as the pathetic fairytales lead us to believe is how real life works. Infertility is what is real, it's prevalent in so many people's everyday lives, yet there is still so much ignorance and stigma surrounding this soul destroying heartbreak. It's utterly ridiculous and I'm seriously pissed off with having to be the one to make other people feel better, for THEIR OWN ignorance!

And breathe...