Feeling low :-(

Started to feel really low the last couple of days. Not all that sure why either. I really thought I was OK with the decision to delay our fet but the more time passes, the harder it feels. My sister has started to show now + as happy as I am for her, it reminds me that it still hasn't happened for us. At the end of the day, I want my baby, no-one elses. I have had a promotion at work which is why we have had to delay fet. Its keeping me very busy + helping take my mind off things but there are days like today (when I'm not at work) that it all seems to hurt much more :-(

On a good note, we have booked to go on hol to exmoor which I'm very excited about. It will be out first holiday alone together in over 6 years! We normally go to Cornwall + stay with dh's dad. I sooo can't wait!

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Feeling Sad

Emotions seem to be all over the place at the min.  One minute I'm feeling ok and positive about our 6 little frosties, the next I'm feeling really down and convinced that we face a childless future which breaks my heart :o(  My dh would make such an amazing daddy and it hurts so much to think that I may never be able to give him that opportunity.  Then the positive side of me says shut up it aint over yet!!!  Its like I'm splilt in 2 and both sides are fighting it out over how I should feel.  I want the positive side to win because I truly believe that being positive has a great effect on both mind and body.  Its just really hard. 
I'm absolutely delighted that my sister got the all clear at her 12 week scan yesterday.  I wouldnt wish this kind of heartache on anyone.  As I have heard a lot from ivf sisters recently, its not someone elses baby I want, its our own.  It just makes me sad that there is a possibility we may never achieve that dream.

But hey, positive thinking eh?!  We have 6 super strong little frosties waiting for us and it only takes 1 ;o) 

What to feel?

Just feel kinda strange right now.  Its not like last time when it was completely over because we have our 6 little frosties waiting for us :o)  I just really want to get on with it now and get the fet started!  I'm absolutely terrified that none of them will be viable but I have a good feeling that we will get a blast to put back! 

My sister has her 12 week scan today and I'm nervous for her.  I really hope with all my heart that everything is ok.  I may feel sad that it is not me that is pregnant but I want my own baby, not hers.  I wouldnt want to take that away from them for anything.  I cant wait for her to let me know how the scan has gone, I hope beyond hope that mini mark 2 is safe and sound.

Bring on our own FET :o) xx